On the first day of Cranqmas, my Cranquis gave to me, an order for a blood chemistry On the second day of Cranqmas, my Cranquis gave to me, much expertise and nothing to do with organic chemistry. On the third day of Cranqmas, my Cranquis gave to me, 3 GI cocktails, much expertise, and an order for an EKG On the fourth day of Cranqmas, my Cranquis gave to me, 4 baby aspirin, 3 rounds of enzymes, and despite that expertise, an order for an EKG. On the fifth day of Cranqmas, my Cranquis gave to me, nurses rushing in, 4 baby aspirin, 3 rounds of enzymes, and despite that expertise, some bad news on my EKG. On the sixth day of Cranqmas, my Cranquis gave to me, 6 medical students, 5 mgs of morphine, 4 baby aspirin, 3 rounds of enzymes, and despite that expertise, ST changes on my EKG. On the seventh day of Cranqmas, my Cranquis gave to me, 7 smart consultants, 6 medical students, 5 mgs of morphine, 4 baby aspirin, 3 rounds of enzymes, and despite that expertise, ST changes on my EKG. On the eighth day of Cranqmas, my Cranquis gave to me, 8 rounds of Epi, 7 smart consultants, 6 medical students, 5 mgs of morphine, 4 baby aspirin, 3 rounds of enzymes, and despite that expertise, ST changes on my EKG. On the ninth day of Cranqmas, my Cranquis gave to me, 9 rescue breaths, 8 rounds of epi, 7 smart consultants, 6 medical students, 5 mgs of morphine, 4 baby aspirin, 3 rounds of enzymes, and despite that expertise, ST changes on my EKG. On the tenth day of Cranqmas, my Cranquis gave to me, 10 french foley catheters, 9 rescue breaths, 8 rounds of epi, 7 smart consultants, 6 medical students, 5 mgs of morphine, 4 baby aspirin, 3 rounds of enzymes, and despite that expertise, V-tach on my EKG. On the eleventh day of Cranqmas, my Cranquis gave to me, 11 chest compressions, 10 french foley catheters, 9 rescue breaths, 8 rounds of epi, 7 smart consultants, 6 medical students, 5 mgs of morphine, 4 baby aspirin, 3 rounds of enzymes, and despite that expertise, V-Fib on my EKG. On the twelfth day of Cranqmas, my Cranquis gave to me, 12 defibrillations, 11 chest compressions, 10 french foley catheters, 9 rescue breaths, 8 rounds of epi, 7 smart consultants, 6 medical students, 5 mgs of morphine, 4 baby aspirin, 3 rounds of enzymes, and despite that expertise, a flatline on my EKG.

Some snowy morning You're wide awake now race down the stairs and to the tree Your parents smile Gifts from Santa You grab for them impatiently But while you tear, the paper off I'm sleeping, the alarm turned off The stores are closed, nothing to do but wait until, the day is through And then it's dinner time. My favorite time CHORUS We're going out for dinner [Chinese Food] We're going out for dinner [Chinese Food] You can have your Christmas morning [Chinese Food] But we're going out for dinner [Chinese Food] The TV's on Jimmy Stewart Life ain't so good when it's on loop my parents doze yesterday's paper Christmas is boring if you're a Jew We while away the passing day Repeats and a bad parade No gifts no love nothing to do We wait until the day is through And then it's dinner time. My favorite time CHORUS We're going out for dinner [Chinese Food] We're going out for dinner [Chinese Food] You can have your Christmas morning [Chinese Food] But we're going out for dinner [Chinese Food] The sun has set but you wouldn't know it your house is lit like it's on fire Through your window I watch you laughing As you get all your heart's desire The months that passed all lead to this The ads, the sales, the naughty lists You enjoy your day with all your might And I'll enjoy all 8 of my nights And then it's dinner time. My favorite time CHORUS We're going out for dinner [Chinese Food] We're going out for dinner [Chinese Food] You can have your Christmas morning [Chinese Food] But we're going out for dinner [Chinese Food] We're going out for dinner [Chinese Food] We're going out for dinner [Chinese Food] You can have your Christmas morning [Chinese Food] But we're going out for dinner [Chinese Food]

You're still awake when I make it home Swing shift again but it keeps the heat on You look tired as I feel and I know not to say a word It’s just good to have you home This is a good day This is a good day This is a good day The tree is the kind that folds It’s showing signs of age but then again so are we The lights a little dimmer but I don't mind at all ‘Cause I can still see you, and you still look so lovely This is a good day This is a good day This is a good day It’s our Christmas Day This is a good day This is a good day This is a good day It’s our Christmas Day It’s not what we planned when started off together Stretching so hard to find the ends never meet And just when I thought you couldn't scream any louder You whisper my name and it just breaks my heart You hum as you cook with what’s left in the cupboard The pipes sing behind you and rattle the out the words This apartment’s not what we wanted or where we thought we would be, But I wouldn’t be anywhere else This is a good day This is a good day This is a good day It’s our Christmas Day This is a good day This is a good day This is a good day It’s our Christmas Day

It’s Christmas time again And just like every year We’re gonna go to grandma’s house To spread some yule tide cheer And even though I know That grandma’s house is warm I’m gonna wear that sweater That she made when I was four   CHORUS All I want for Christmas Is a porno and a beer I’m sick and tired of socks and ties That I get every year All I want for Christmas Is a porno and a beer   The turkey’s always dry The stuffing’s always bland My nephew’s always punishing That unturned baby grand She always serves a fruitcake And eighteen types of pie Take a swig of Pepto ‘N watch It’s a Wonderful Life   CHORUS All I want for Christmas Is a porno and a beer I’m sick and tired of socks and ties That I get every year All I want for Christmas Is a porno and a beer Every year I wind up with the same old shit Clothes and DVDs but not a single tit No more leaving snack out for those damn reindeer Pretty sure all Santa wants is a nice cold beer VERSE 3 It’s always one big fight We all just scream and shout My Uncle’s always way to drunk And momma’s all strung out There’s no love left at grandma’s Just hatred and mistrust I’m gonna get a pole next year And celebrate Festivus CHORUS All I want for Christmas Is a porno and a beer I’m sick and tired of socks and ties That I get every year All I want for Christmas Is a porno and a beer

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