It’s Christmas time again
And just like every year
We’re gonna go to grandma’s house
To spread some yule tide cheer
And even though I know
That grandma’s house is warm
I’m gonna wear that sweater
That she made when I was four
 
CHORUS
All I want for Christmas
Is a porno and a beer
I’m sick and tired of socks and ties
That I get every year
All I want for Christmas
Is a porno and a beer
 
The turkey’s always dry
The stuffing’s always bland
My nephew’s always punishing
That unturned baby grand
She always serves a fruitcake
And eighteen types of pie
Take a swig of Pepto
‘N watch It’s a Wonderful Life
 
CHORUS
All I want for Christmas
Is a porno and a beer
I’m sick and tired of socks and ties
That I get every year
All I want for Christmas
Is a porno and a beer


Every year I wind up with the same old shit
Clothes and DVDs but not a single tit
No more leaving snack out for those damn reindeer
Pretty sure all Santa wants is a nice cold beer

VERSE 3
It’s always one big fight
We all just scream and shout
My Uncle’s always way to drunk
And momma’s all strung out
There’s no love left at grandma’s
Just hatred and mistrust
I’m gonna get a pole next year
And celebrate Festivus

CHORUS
All I want for Christmas
Is a porno and a beer
I’m sick and tired of socks and ties
That I get every year
All I want for Christmas
Is a porno and a beer